Berlin Jan 1980

I was working and living in West Germany at a time before the ‘Wall’ came down and was courting my ex-husband, an RAF Officer. We were living about a 2 hour journey from each other so we only saw each other at weekends. We were friendly with a married couple and he was also a RAF Officer. After sharing a few drunken evenings together we decided that we wanted to visit Berlin for a weekend. The men wanted to soak up the history,I wanted to see Berlin because of the film ‘Cabaret’ with Liza Minelli and the wife wanted to visit a War Memorial Graveyard because one of her relatives was buried there.
After getting the various papers signed we set off,crossing into East Berlin at a check point called Helmstedt. My ex approached the Russian soldier at the check point and he examined the paperwork and after a salute we started to drive to Berlin. We were only allowed a certain amount of time to drive cross East Germany, so if we were too quick then we were suspected of speeding and if we were too long then there’s a question of did we stop? You were not allowed to stop for any reason and if you did then you had to stay in your car and wait for the East German police to arrive and assist you.
Anyway, nothing happened to us and we arrived into West Berlin with no trouble. We found our Hotel which was an American Forces Hotel and went to our rooms. The other couple didn’t want to join us, going into the centre of Berlin for dinner, so off we went. It was very cold minus10 degrees so we were wrapped up warmly and didn’t really want to stay out too long. We found a lovely little restuarant near the Brandenburg Gate walked around a little and saw the fence in memory of men and woman who were killed trying to escape to their loved-ones or families when they were separated overnight when the ‘Wall’ went up. We decided we were cold and started to make our way back to the Hotel. We took the U-Bahn/Metro which was very busy and I noticed inside the carriage a man wearing a typical Russian furry hat. We had to change trains and I then noticed this man again in the same carriage as us. The third time we changed trains so did he and he also got into the same carriage. I mentioned this to my ex and he told me not to worry!!!!! At the end of the journey we ALL got off and then we were followed back to the Hotel. All of this freaked me out and the next day it got even worse!

After breakfast we drove around and saw various historic buildings and places of interest including Spandau Prison where Rulolf Hess was in solitary imprisonment. I wanted a coffee, as I always do in the morning, so we pulled in and parked outside a coffee shop. The men were in their uniforms and we walked together to the door of the coffee shop but were stopped by a nervous owner saying that they were closed. This wasn’t true as inside there were customers. I wanted to protest but was quickly told to shut up!
We turned and climbed back to the car and as we passed a big building next to the coffee shop we realised it was the HQ of the KGB. No wonder we were not allowed into the coffee shop!
For the rest of the day we carried on exploring West Berlin visiting the War Graves. In the evening we made our way to the East for another adventure. To visit East Berlin you had to encounter the rig moral of “Check Point Charlie”. This is the point of entry into East Berlin and guarded by Russian Soldiers. We were stopped as expected and only us ladies had to individually put our passport up against a closed window of the car and when gestured by the Russian guard, turn the pages over so that he could check for ‘whatever’?? The men who were still in their uniform did not have to do a thing; just sit there with their hats on with stern, serious faces. It was like facing the enemy in the face and quite nerve racking (for me anyway).
We wanted to have dinner but first we decided to find a bar for a drink. Driving to find a bar we passed six Russian soldiers marching and kicking their legs high, as they do! (Changing the guards I suppose). We found a bar and we went upstairs and found it was very busy with a big circular barin the middle of the room, with a counter that you had to queue around to get served. Us girls found a table and sat down while the men went up to the bar to get served. We were spotted obviously, so one of the barmen got straight onto the phone while another served them first,by-passing the other customers. Within a short while two smartly dressed men appeared,they sat and watched us until we left to find a restaurant. Luckily there was one under the bar We walked in and found it to be a dark, shabby restaurant. We sat down to a dark, shabby table with a grubby tablecloth.
I ordered a mixed grill but I cannot remember what the others ordered. I also wanted a “starter” but was firmly told that the main course was enough by the waitress/owner, that I wouldn’t need any more to eat!! Cheeky cow!!
Afterward the one course meal, I ordered coffee and it turned out to be acorn coffee! It was certainly different and I didn’t ask for a refill!
We drove back into West Berlin without any trouble and had a good laugh on the way recalling everything that had happened.

The next day we checked out of the Hotel and did the reverse journey;driving back through East Germany and into West Germany. All of us felt emotional about our visit and priveledged to have had such an experience.

The KGB was reporting in that we had left and was on our way ‘home’.

In 2003 I visited Berlin again and was amazed at how difference Berlin looked. This changed after the ‘Wall’ came down in November 1989 etc.

That leads me into another story which you will have to wait for.

Ice Skating

At 14yrs of age I went ice-skating in Richmond with a cousin and her friend. We caught the train and found the ice-rink and went in to get our skates fitted.
I’ve always wanted to skate so this was one big adventure for me. I was so excited. It was so much harder than I thought. I was hopeless. I was clinging onto the sides and falling down onto the ice and it hurt! The other two were hopeless as well but we managed to laugh clinging on to each other.
Luckily I met a young man who helped me leaving my companions to struggle on. He persuaded me to get some stabilisers and off I went. Brilliant I thought, easy peasy. Weeeeeeeeeeeee all the way round, loving it. Breeze in my face and hair blowing, I felt so confident.
Sadly the evening came to an end when it was time for us to catch the train home. I said goodbye (kiss) to the young man and joined my companions who gave me the cold shoulder. The atmosphere was pretty bad until the friend of my cousin discovered that she had lost her return train ticket. We had no money between us so we didn’t quite know what to do.
One of us (can’t remember who) suggested going to the Police Station to ask for help. We found the Police Station where we explained our predicament and they wrote down some details about us. We were then were escorted to one of the cells to await my Uncle to drive over from Hertfordshire to pick us up.
We girls thought this was great fun, being put into a cell. We got bored so started to shout out of the window to any passer-by. (I’m cringing as I’m writing this with embarrassment) Outside the police station there was a bus stop and in time we managed to acquire quite a large audience. We loved it, making up stories why we were there, showing off.
The duty ‘whatever’ came along to our cell and told us off for making so much noise. As we were innocent naïve girls we did as we were told. We then sat quietly as good girls do.
Eventually my uncle arrived to collect us and take us home. He was very good and told us that we did the right thing by going to the Police for help.
I’ve never been back to Richmond so I don’t know whether the skating rink is still there. Perhaps I need to Google it.

 

Brazillian Waxing

After my adventure at Sam’s Pancake House in Virginia, USA my friend and I went to her local beauty Salon for a bit of pampering!! We made an appointment and arrived on time. Off my friend went to her therapist and me to mine.
I wanted a waxing on my legs and from the title of this story I needed another place to be waxed resulting with a landing strip, or so I thought!?

What I did not know or even thought was that a Brazilian there did not mean the same as here in the UK.

She started applying the wax and we started chatting and laughing, with her telling me all about her boyfriend, where she trained etc. etc. It’s amazing just what you do tell a therapist, your secrets, and your life story and even about your finances.
It started to get uncomfortable so I started to breathe through the ‘ripping’ pain. As time went on I began to climb up the walls, then across the ceiling and down the other side screaming/shouting for her to stop! She started so she had to finish, or so I thought.

She asked me to turn over so that she could wax through the back! I jumped off the couch naked waist down, ran out grabbing my clothes to reception. She was laughing and so was my friend but they did have a glass of wine waiting for me!

How kind and thoughtful of them both.

Gatwick Airport

I drove down to the airport to catch a flight to Jersey from the North Terminal. I had arranged for my car to be parked on a site for the four days. I had pre-booked it on-line a few months earlier.
On my passenger seat in a plastic folder was the paperwork relating to my holiday, flight and the parking detail.
I knew I was flying from the North Terminal so drove straight there following the signs for the Short Stay Parking. I found a parking space, took my suitcase and hand luggage out of the car and clutching the parking ticket I thought I had better check that I was parked in the correct car park. I was on the first floor so took the life to the ground floor and found the Parking Office to be told that I was in the wrong car park. Refusing to pay for my 5 minutes of parking they kindly validated the ticket which then enabled me to drive out and he also gave me directions to the correct car park I wheeled my suitcase back to the lift (thank goodness the suitcase had wheels attached) and then drove out of the car park.
Off I drove thinking it was near the South Terminal and by now time was slipping quickly by.
Round and round I drove looking for the car park and again I drove into the Short Stay Parking. I had to carry on so drove again to the ticket office and yes was told again that I was in the wrong car park! I managed to get another free parking and this time I wrote directions down.
Back on the road again heading for the North Terminal looking for yellow signs marked “Special Summer Parking”. I found it out in a field miles away from the North Terminal. Booking my car in was easy and there was a bus waiting to drive me to the Terminal.
Next time, if ever, I will study and remember the directions or even get my Satnav mended.

Duck A Do!

Another story from me but luckily I was not the one to suffer!! Pictures: Duck Pond 1 shows a pub in the background where a friend and I had a drink last Sunday early evening. We were on our way back to my house, where her car was parked outside my house. As an animal lover she started talking to the ducks (as one does) and as she put her hand into her handbag to get her car keys out she learnt over the railing and yes you’ve guessed it…….splash! her car keys fell out of her hand and into the pond! We were hysterical!! “Oh my God!”, she kept saying! We were quite sober, in fact very sober. Picture: Shows where her keys landed So somewhere is that filthy water are her keys. Luckily her house keys were not on the same key ring. I drove her home to collect her spare set so she was then able to drive home. Tonight I was going to drag the pond in my green-hunters, garden rake and yellow Marigolds but I received a message saying it was not worth it as keys would be ruined. However, if you see any ducks driving a grey Peugeot those keys belong to her!! Contact me and I’ll let her know. Another chapter for my book! 

Attached is a picture of me with my garden rake dredging my local pond for my friend’s car key. We were then accosted by two very young handsome police officers asking us what we were doing. I asked them for their help but they didn’t have any wellies so they drove off. Anyway my friend saw the key and I retrieved it after climbing through the railings both ways as you will see from the attached photo. She was thrilled and even more when she tried to unlock her car and YES it worked!! Three cheers for me I hear! My friend is now a very happy bunny!

Grab a Granny Night or Married Men’s Friday Night

In my early twenties, only a few years ago when I was wild and reckless I met a bloke who was a Screw or a Prison Warder working at Wormwood Scrubs in Acton, London.

One Friday evening I went to a night club with a friend just outside Bristol. It was far enough away for him not to be there.
Apparently Friday night is called Grab a Granny by the men, but us ladies called it Married Men’s Friday Night Out.
Dancing to the disco music and enjoying myself a married man joined me and started to dance with me. It came to a slow dance and he whispered into my ear the usual chat up line! He asked me whether I had a boyfriend so I explained that yes and he was at HMP Wormwood Scrubs.
“Why is he there?” he shouted into my ear as by now the tempo of the music was heating up.
“Well the last man I danced with he didn’t like it”, I replied
“He’s doing time there?” he asked
“He’s there for a while before he gets moved on”, I replied.
All the time I was dancing and answering his questions.
He then quickly excused himself and left the dance floor.
Poor bugger did I frighten him away?

Red Burberry Raincoat

I attended my eldest son’s Carol Service in Bath Abbey a few years ago, wearing a red coat and was quite excited about attending this event in such a beautiful place and town.
I was ushered into the Abbey by two male 6th Formers and was placed in a pew near the altar. I felt very priveledged and important sitting where I was placed.
The Abbey slowly filled up with parents and pupils and eventually the Headmaster and his wife arrived. The Headmaster took his seat opposite me leaving his wife standing not knowing where to sit.
The Deputy Headmaster approached me asking me why I was sitting there as it was the Headmaster wife’s seat. He wasn’t very polite so I explained that was where I was escorted by the young men. He got a bit huffy, but the Headmaster’s wife told him that it was ok and she sat elsewhere.
I found out from this huffy Deputy Headmaster that those two boys where told to look out for the Headmaster’s wife as she will be wearing a red coat!! Snap!!
The Carol Service was beautiful, I enjoyed the front pew and my son wasn’t even aware of the mix up as he would have been too embarrassed.
It’s a shame that these two pupils didn’t know who the Headmaster’s wife was.

Trooping the Colours

A few years ago I took my two young sons to watch the rehearsal of The Trooping of the Colour at
Horseguard, London.
It was by invitation only and as my ex husband was military at the time we went along. We had to queue for a least an hour and trying to keep two little boys 5 & 7 entertained and quiet was very difficult. After the security check we made our way into the parade ground where there were benches on all sides of the huge parade ground. We all sat and waited for the grand arrival.
For the dress rehearsal, the Duke of Edinburgh was standing in for the Queen.
There were police and soldiers everywhere with guns and those were the ones we saw! The ‘others’ I’m sure were watching us!
Sitting in front of us were two ladies and unfortunately my sons fidgeting annoyed one of them!
I tried very hard to entertain and distract my sons (and you all know what I mean) asking them to sit still etc etc.
This particular lady kept tutting and huffing and glancing behind looking very annoyed. I leant forward to apologise for my sons’ behaviour explaining that as soon as the parade gets started they will sit quietly and behave.
Well, the wrong thing to do! She turned round and told me exactly what she thought of me as a Mother and my beloved sons’ behaviour. I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing from her. My kids were badly behaved and as a mother I wasn’t much better!
What I did next wasn’t sensible; however the claws came out when it’s to do with my boys. I called here a bitch and stormed off with my confused little darlings behind me. My ex husband claimed that he didn’t hear any of the facade and followed the boys.
All this happened at precisely 11am when the Duke was expected to arrive. The police with their guns stopped me going any further. Armed marksmen were positioned everywhere pointing their guns at me. I started to cry and was taken to an ambulance where I was calmed although they were not interested in my tale of woe.
The boys and their father were outside of the ambulance and the Duke passed on his horse next to them.
Although they didn’t watch the parade they did have a close up view of the Duke etc but they didn’t realise who he was.
They did however enjoy their McDonalds hamburger afterwards that day and I eventually divorced my husband!!

Battersea or Bust!

Another friend asked me to join her to collect a mirror that she had bought on Ebay at an address in Battersea, London.
We were supposed to be at this chap’s flat at 2pm one Saturday afternoon. Well my friend is known never to be on time, ever, so she arrived to pick me up one hour later than the agreed time.
She had her Satnav plugged in so we were all set to get there and home before the evening. It was a summer’s day, very warm so she put the roof down on her bright yellow car and off we drove.
The roads were very busy but we reached the outskirts of West London in good time. Driving through Earl’s Court slowly as the traffic was heavy she noticed dirty windows with dirty nets. She thought it was disgusting that the occupants either didn’t have a window cleaner or were too lazy to clean them. Seeing that these windows were next to a busy road didn’t deter her voicing her thoughts loudly and often. She went on and on about them, and I said “Whatever”!
Now my friend didn’t want to pay the congestion charge so she tried to get her Satnav to direct us a route so that we wouldn’t need to going into the Congestion charge area. She was adamant therefore we kept going round and round. This friend is a very calm quiet lady but she’s persistent when she wants to achieve something. I would have given up or paid the fee but NO she wouldn’t give up!
As we drove around the same square a couple of times and passed the same policeman a couple of times (he noticed us and smiled) we stopped at some traffic lights when a black cab pulled up behind us. She made me ask him directions on how to get to Battersea without driving into the Congestion area. He laughed and shouted out in a Cockney accent, “Its Saturday treacle, you don’t pay on a Saturday! You look at the sign by the lights”.
In bold letters on the sign it showed the days and times of the charges.
We laughed so much, all three of us!
Anyway we arrived well over an hour late. It took a couple of minutes to collect the mirror and we were on our way back passsing those dirty windows with their dirty nets but on the other side of the road.
This adventure happened a couple of years ago and we had lost touch with other but this pass month I started to work with her again. She suggested writing this story so here it is!

Vatican – Rome Oct 2010

Last October I was pounding the cobbled Strasse/pavements of Rome making my way either to the slaughter house of the Colosseum (leather thongs and lions) or to St Peter’s Square for a ‘heart to heart’ with the Pope. It also could have been to either an art exhibition or to a museum. I even attended Mass! I didn’t understand much but the church was beautiful.

I kept being dragged in for either a Gelateria or a coffee and sometimes a glass of red, or all three! . All the resting places’s troughs were clean and some even had red checked tablecloths, (paid extra there ) . These places were very expensive ,it’s cheaper to drink wine than coffee.

One of the great advantages of when you are away is that nobody knows you. You can do or say as you like , when you like and even shout what you like .

I only had one incident that made me raise my voice and that was to an English man at the turnstyle/entrance to the Vatican Museum. He completely lost his temper when he had trouble with his ticket at the turnstyle. Unfortunately I was behind him which resulted in me being pushed out of the way with force when he tried to join another queue.

His actions were seen and he was apprehended.

I found that some Italians don’t know how to make an Omelette . Some Italians think themselves as being gorgeous, and yes they are and I noticed that some priests were gorgeous also far too young to be a priest – what a waste.

In the Cistern Chapel what amused me was that the guards were forever shouting out Shssssssssssssss! Then I noticed that one of them was on his mobile talking. Looking up at the ceiling was breath taking but I couldn’t take it all in. Looking back at it now I can.

At the Trevi Fountain I threw coins over the wrong shoulder. By the time I found a space and person to take a photo I had forgotten what I had to wish for and what shoulder to toss the coin over!

Repeat of above but longer – Part 2

One day during a recent visit to Rome I thought I would visit the Vatican and the Cistern Chapel.
I was lucky enough to be able to join one of the English groups staying in my hotel. A coach was provided so I tagged along, joining in with their banter.
We arrived at St Peter’s Square and made our way to the entrance of the museum etc. where there was a security check.
It was a lovely hot day and I wore a long sleeved top and trousers because knowing that I could be refused entrance if anything bare was showing. I felt hot and thirsty so I bought a small glass bottle of water before entering.
We had to go through a security check so I dumped my backpack onto the belt and holding the bottle of water I walked through the metal detector. I walked through but was apprehended by two security chaps and was marched off to a kiosk where I was made to leave my bottle with them shouting in Italian and was handed a ticket.
I re-joined the group and walked on to a turnstile machine where you slide your entrance ticket in and it pops out the other side.
I was behind an English man who completely lost his temper when his ticket refused to pop out. He banged the machine with his fist, swore and turned round and pushed me out of the way when trying to escape. That was quite upsetting but after walking along the beautiful corridors passing amazing paintings and statues I quickly forgot the incident.
I reached the Cistern Chapel joining the crowds and walked to the end of the chapel. There were at least a hundred people in the chapel with guards telling us to keep quiet and be respectful. I found this funny as the guards were busy chatting to each other. They kept shouting shsssssssssssssssss!
As I rested on a bench next to three ladies from the party from my hotel I looked up to the ceiling and inspected the artwork. I didn’t like the colours but it was amazing. The ladies and I started chatting and giggling so we left before we were removed! We walked out onto the famous square (no Pope to be seen) and we admired it before we decided to go for a coffee nearby.
These three ladies and I arranged to meet later for a meal and over the next couple of days we were together either sightseeing or enjoying meals together. We laughed so much together exchanging life stories and sharing taxis.
One of these ladies was not a very well person so it was sad when I received and email from her daughter telling me that she passed away early Feb 11. Her daughter asked me for any photographs of her mother taken whilst in Rome so that she could use them at her funeral.
Rome was a lovely experience. I walked many miles and saw all the attractions that I could possibly manage and made some new friends. I would love to go back there again but this time with a hotel nearer to the centre.
I did feel safe there, much safer than Barcelona.